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xXEvilMistressxX
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PostSubject: Leaving for the week.    Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:18 am

Well in a few hours I will be on my way to Virgina Beach...I will be gone for week but I will check this site out from time to time if I can on my cell phone.

I must say I am excited but I am scared. I cannot sleep obviously LOL! I just have this weird feeling...its like hard to explain its in the pit of my stomach it feels like... I need to pee but I don't have to...like I said its hard to explain. I only get that when I think about the trip. I am getting the sense that my heart doesn't want me to go but my brain does. I think I am just emotionally attached to this house and to Star because I've never been anywhere else...I've never been on a vacation or stayed overnight anywhere. All I know is this house, these four wall and Star. I never been further then 3 hours away from home and I will be 8 hours away...I am scared something happens and I cannot get back.

Then as I sat here thinking I randomly started crying....I randomly started crying over Dan again. I have no idea why I had convinced my brain to think differntly but no matter how many solutions I knew of to stop my brain from thinking about him...I couldn't stop. It is like for the first time my heart is telling me how I feel. I feel like my heart is telling me I am not ready for this trip to stay home, that I need more time to heal because it is obvious no matter how well I can lie to myself...I am NOT over him. Yet my brain tells me to go this is my dream and if I loose this I will loose any progress in healing I made and I need to get away from my dad...he just was so mean to my mom yesterday...we been having this heat wave of it being 100 here and we don't have A/C and my mom got real sick and my dad made her go to the store to get him ice cream and I went with her and she barely was able to make it. I need away from both of my parents I dislike my father and my mom and I just keep fighting because there isn't a day we have been apart since I have been born.

I don't know how to feel honestly...is this feeling just because this is new to me and im so far away and I am scared or is it my intuition telling me to stay? Ahh I hate not knowing. Maybe if I go there, I will find myself and what I want and need and maybe it will help heal me. I don't know...it has been 3 months since him and I were done and I feel the pains getting worse I just wish it would go away. Infact I wish right now my brain would stop thinking, shut up and go to bed! LOL. Okay anyway sorry for the little rant just wanted to inform you guys I will be gone for the week. I will post photos this weekend and if you have any tips or advice on this feeling inside of me and what you think it might mean please do tell me. Talk to you guys when I get back ^.^

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When the thunder rumbles, I can hear your sweet voice tell me you love me again. When the lighting strikes, I can see your anger in your eyes that you had to leave us. When the rain pours, I can feel your hug once more. That is the power of a memory.- CJ/// Someone once said, no boy you date will ever truly break your heart but there will be one man who can and that pain will never heal. I understand them now, my dad broke my heart 1/21/12...</3...and I honestly believe that nobody else could have went out so honorably and respectfully as he did. I'll see you on the other side.
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Betterdog4u
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PostSubject: Re: Leaving for the week.    Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:48 am

Enjoy the time away!!! We will look forward to hearing about your adventures when you get back!!!

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xXEvilMistressxX
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PostSubject: Re: Leaving for the week.    Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:24 am

Well honestly the trip was okay. I am ready to go back home...I got in the ocean, I saw the ocean and now the person taking me is getting on my nerves to the extent the trip is no longer enjoyable. I mean first he went off with his friends and I was left a little bit in the dumps and then he comes back to the hotel with like a 6 pack which just really made me mad. I mean first of all, I grew up where neither parents drank, I never knew what that stuff smelled like until this year. I was raised and even school pushed how bad beer is and so on and I want nothing to do with it. I don't care if he has one but he was on his 3rd and we was tipsy and he kept asking me for stupid stuff and I am like NO! He kept asking over and over and he goes for another beer and I am like Oh MY GOD...are you serious? We ended up fighting I am like ... I am 18 I dont want to be around this, and you reek badly of beer and you are as annoying as ____(insert a celeb you are sick of)____ and I stated how pathetic it was of him to ask me on this trip and not be able to go 2 days without stupid beer and just have fun with me on this trip without needing stupid beer. He got mad and was like well your on your computer and I am drinking I am like I am on my computer ignoring you because you are drinking get the clue...then he is like welll you like make up and I like beer and I am like....I hardly wear make up anymore and your just using that as an excuse atleast make up don't intoxicate my mind and make me do stupid things...He was like whatever at that point and he just walked outside and I finished up on facebook and he came back in took the beer and dumped it and apologized then told me that my opinion matters to him and I am like...drinking, drunk and liking beer might impress other girls but me I find getting drunk and drinking a lot to be disgusting and gross and I don't want a man who drinks. Which of course makes me sad and I remember how perfect Dan and I were for each other then I start to cry.

That is one thing about me, I can be easily pressured to do something silly and harmless like sing infront of a crowd or eat 5 hot peppers at once but when it comes to something like being pressured into drinking, s3x and so on...basic right and wrong things, I am very strong on when I say no. I think my bad feeling though was telling me NOT to come on this trip, worried about outcome of rest of the days but I will not lie, I cannot wait to get back home to the comfort of life I knew with Star and my own bed and my stuff. I guess I really didn't need this trip as much as I thought...I think I finally know what will make me happy but the thing that will make me happy, I cannot have. All I know is when I get home, I need to break some hearts and cause some fights by ending something that was never real to begin with and just take it day by day, if I cannot have what I want, I will spend my time learning Algebra and Chem so I can be a nurse. When my soulmate comes, he will respect who I am, my beliefs and no push things upon me.

anyway I will take lots of photos and hopefully tomorrow be better!

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When the thunder rumbles, I can hear your sweet voice tell me you love me again. When the lighting strikes, I can see your anger in your eyes that you had to leave us. When the rain pours, I can feel your hug once more. That is the power of a memory.- CJ/// Someone once said, no boy you date will ever truly break your heart but there will be one man who can and that pain will never heal. I understand them now, my dad broke my heart 1/21/12...</3...and I honestly believe that nobody else could have went out so honorably and respectfully as he did. I'll see you on the other side.
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