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Steven_L
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PostSubject: Advice?   Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:15 pm

What can you say to someone that has lost their beloved pet? What have you found particularly useful to console someone that has lost their furry friend or maybe that has helped you through your loss.

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Betterdog4u
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PostSubject: Re: Advice?   Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:01 pm

Most people withdraw when greaving. They dont want to be around people or socialize in public.

I find that just "being there" and "LISTENING" can be the most helpful. My only comment is to offer my condoelences, explain that I have been in the same place and tell them, "If you want to talk Im here for you!" I only offer suggestions when asked to do so.

Because they tend to withdraw, I also ask if its ok to contact them every few days. I dont like to let depression take over so I'll offer to have them over for dinner. Then Neka and Patchs can work thier magic.

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Steven_L
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PostSubject: Re: Advice?   Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:16 pm

Yes taking into consideration that sometimes people just want to be left alone is important. Sometimes I want to say that remembering the good memories is probably what your pet would want most, but I'm guessing it takes sometime...I have not experienced this so I can't say that I've been through the same thing. I'm sure that it would be easier to take to someone thats experienced the same thing though...

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Betterdog4u
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PostSubject: Re: Advice?   Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:55 pm

Steven_L wrote:
Yes taking into consideration that sometimes people just want to be left alone is important. Sometimes I want to say that remembering the good memories is probably what your pet would want most, but I'm guessing it takes sometime...I have not experienced this so I can't say that I've been through the same thing. I'm sure that it would be easier to take to someone thats experienced the same thing though...

Speaking from experience, Im VERY careful about that "Remember the Good Times" thing. I know that its ment to help, but depending on the persons mental state, the last thing a person wants to hear is that. It can sometimes be taken as; "you should try to forget the pain of loss." The truth is that it NEVER goes away completely!!! Almost 2 1/2 years have gone by sence Chip has pasted, and there are still a few things that still trigger the pain for me.

When the greeving person starts to recount the "good times" THEN AND ONLY THEN will I bring this up. Then I suggest that the good times make the pain worth while, and I recount something that they may have told me in the past.

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My Best Friend & Faithful Companion - Visit Neka's Memorial Website
My Little Buddy for 15+ Years - Visit Chip's Memorial Website

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Steven_L
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PostSubject: Re: Advice?   Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:58 pm

Betterdog4u wrote:
Steven_L wrote:
Yes taking into consideration that sometimes people just want to be left alone is important. Sometimes I want to say that remembering the good memories is probably what your pet would want most, but I'm guessing it takes sometime...I have not experienced this so I can't say that I've been through the same thing. I'm sure that it would be easier to take to someone thats experienced the same thing though...

Speaking from experience, Im VERY careful about that "Remember the Good Times" thing. I know that its ment to help, but depending on the persons mental state, the last thing a person wants to hear is that. It can sometimes be taken as; "you should try to forget the pain of loss." The truth is that it NEVER goes away completely!!! Almost 2 1/2 years have gone by sence Chip has pasted, and there are still a few things that still trigger the pain for me.

When the greeving person starts to recount the "good times" THEN AND ONLY THEN will I bring this up. Then I suggest that the good times make the pain worth while, and I recount something that they may have told me in the past.

Yes I thought that saying like that could be taken different ways... But if the person is willing to open up then its always good to see how they are doing.

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Betterdog4u
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PostSubject: Re: Advice?   Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:32 pm

Steven_L wrote:
Yes I thought that saying like that could be taken different ways... But if the person is willing to open up then its always good to see how they are doing.

The key to consouling someone is to wait for them to offer in site into their state of mind. If they completely withdraw, you have to keep a line of communication open but you cant push!!!

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Full of Life ... and Herself - Visit Patchs' Website
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